Last week, I wrote about how you cannot help someone change who doesn’t want to change. You can read that here.
Today, let’s talk about another truth—
one that’s more hopeful.
Here’s a truth we have to hold onto—
keep close when life gets heavy.
Even when—
we’re wrestling with the weight
of loving someone who won’t move forward.
Today’s truth?
Some people?
They change.
There’s a great song from the 90s.
I was introduced to it by Kenny Chesney.
Written by three guys—
Neil Thrasher, Jason Sellers, and Michael Dulaney.
(I just want to give credit where credit is due.)
One line always stops me.
Hits me in the chest.
Here’s to the strong
Thanks to the brave
Don’t give up hope
Some people change
Against all odds
Against the grain
Love finds a way
Some people change
What beautiful, hopeful lyrics.
Because the truth is—
change is possible.
Change is hard.
Requires action.
Is often painful.
But—
it’s always possible.
This is good news for the person
struggling with change.
Trying to stop the thing
that’s hurting them.
Wrecking relationships.
Destroying their life.
But failing.
We’ve all been there,
one way or another.
If that’s you—
I hope this reminds you:
Keep going.
Be humble.
Stay accountable.
Change is possible—
but it doesn’t come easy.
It asks something from you.
Demands something
Courage.
Honesty.
Consistency when no one’s clapping.
You’ll have setbacks.
You’ll want to quit.
You might relapse.
You might lie to yourself.
You might even believe the lie for a little while.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t get back up.
The story doesn’t have to end here.
Not if you keep going.
And while this post isn’t a step-by-step guide—
I did write more about what those steps can look like here.
Now—
let’s shift.
Because for every person trying to change…
there’s often someone else
who’s loving them through it.
And that road?
Has its own potholes.
The ones who are watching.
Loving.
Hoping.
Waiting.
Hurting.
To the person loving someone
who needs to change.
Maybe loving someone who isn’t changing.
They’re trying—
and failing.
Often.
To you, I hope you find this truth encouraging as well.
Even as you sit in the pain of waiting.
Hold onto hope my friend.
Of course, this can be dangerous.
Hope can lead to disappointment.
Hurt.
Sometimes, we have to accept that those we love don’t want to change yet.
I wrote about that here.
Even in accepting that, we can hold out hope.
Which means we should probably spend some time defining the word
What is hope?
It’s not denial.
Not pretending.
Not wishful thinking dressed up in spiritual clichés.
Hope is grounded.
Honest.
Gritty.
Hope isn’t blind—
but it refuses to close its eyes.
Hope knows the odds.
Feels the ache.
Still shows up.
It’s the part of us
that chooses to believe
this isn’t the end of the story.
Hope doesn’t ignore reality.
It just doesn’t bow to it.
And when you’re loving someone
who isn’t changing—
yet—
hope might feel like a liability.
But it’s not.
It’s an anchor.
It keeps you from drifting into bitterness,
or apathy,
or despair.
Let’s talk about some practical things we can do to have hope.
1. Hold Space Without Fixing
Hope says: I believe in your capacity to change,
but it doesn’t demand it on your timeline.
You don’t have to rescue.
You don’t have to explain, justify, or beg.
Your job isn’t to carry their transformation.
Your job is to hold space—
to love without enabling,
to stay present without controlling.
2. Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Real hope has limits.
It knows that love without boundaries becomes a trap.
Hope gives you permission to say:
“I love you—and I won’t be destroyed while waiting for you to change.”
You can grieve, hope, and protect your peace
all at the same time.
3. Stay Honest With Yourself
Hope gets warped when it’s built on fantasy.
Check in.
Ask yourself hard questions:
What’s real here?
Am I hoping, or am I hiding?
Is my hope rooted in their potential
or in my fear of letting go?
Hope flourishes when it’s paired with truth.
Hope isn’t passive.
It’s not just sitting in the dark,
wishing for light.
It’s lighting a candle—
and refusing to let the wind blow it out.
Whether you’re the one fighting to change,
or the one loving someone through it—
don’t give up.
Stay grounded.
Stay honest.
Stay hopeful.
Because some people?
They really do change.
And love?
Love really can find a way.
May you have the courage
to face the truth—
in yourself,
and in the ones you love.
May you hold onto hope
with open hands—
not grasping,
but trusting.
May you know when to stay,
when to step back,
and when to let go.
And in the waiting—
may peace find you.
Not because it’s easy,
but because you chose to stay rooted
in love,
in truth,
in hope that does not pretend,
but persists.
Hope grows when we don’t hold it alone.
If this helped you, share it with someone who needs a little hope today.
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