What Does It Take To Change?
What Must I do to Be Different? (Part 3)
We all say we want change.
But when it’s time to move—
to actually do something, most people stall.
Not because they’re lazy.
Not because they’re incapable.
Because they don’t know where to start.
This is Part 3 in a series about change:
Part 2: What it means to want change—and what awareness requires. Read it here.
Part 3 (this one): How to take real, practical action
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
What is required to change?
I imagine some of my friends felt a quick snag right there.
It seems popular today to say “nothing is required to change.”
While comforting, that isn’t helpful or true.
At the very least, action is required for change.
But what action?
That’s the important question.
And I feel like there’s a cheat code we can use.
But—
it often gets ignored.
It’s not sexy.
It's not viral
But it works.
These three steps will transform your life.
Most people stall here.
Not because the steps are difficult.
As I’ve said, they’re not.
But! They are hard.
So before you decide, you have to decide
what you are willing to pay to change?
What are you will willing to risk?
Step 1. Study people who have made the change you want to make.
What did they need to change in their self-talk?
How did they control their thinking?
Everything runs off of our habits of thinking.
Our internal voice.
Our actions.
Everything.
If you and I want change,
we have to examine the difference between
listening to ourselves and
talking to ourselves.
When we listen to ourselves, we just let the voice in our head run unexamined.
The narration of our life isn’t tested.
We let emotional reasoning run our life.
Feel like quitting?
Quit.
Even though, success might have been found on the other side of
one more massive
push.
Emotional reasoning is dangerous because our bodies naturally resist change.
A word of caution here.
This is not an encouragement to find a social media influencer.
They can be helpful.
Inspiring, even.
The most helpful people are the ones we can see.
The ones with the scars from setbacks.
What mindsets did they have to consider?
What assumptions and conclusions did they have to alter?
Step 2. What actions did they have to take?
Here’s the money question:
What did they do?
What literal, physical actions did they take?
Can you make a list of these behaviors?
We might be tempted to only consider what they did.
Maybe, only what they started doing.
But what did they stop doing?
We’re not going to make most changes in a day.
So, we have to ask how their daily routine changed.
How did they build their changes?
Eating healthier is going to start in the grocery store.
Choices there will effect options in the kitchen.
What systemic changes did they make?
How did they change their environment?
Outside forces are never responsible for our behaviors but,
they certainly impede or accelerate change.
Change is not a personality trait.
It is a practiced rythym.
A skill that results from a constant state of engagement.
Mindset is our foundation.
But—
it is not the finish line.
It can’t be.
Mindset must lead to action.
I once told a men’s group,
“Reflection without action is almost always worthless.”
Choosing to do nothing is an action.
Step 3. Copy the work.
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel.
You don’t need to create a whole new plan.
You need to start.
Start by doing.
Refine it over time.
Take the mindset. ✔️
Copy the actions. ✔️
Tweak them as needed. ✔️
Repeat. ✔️
The biggest challenge will be starting.
The second biggest challenge will be dealing with the whispers from our pride.
“This is dumb.”
“Who are you to think this will work?”
“You’ve tried before and failed.”
I get it.
When I wanted to change my writing style, I was stuck.
I had a full manuscript I believed in, but I didn’t like how I sounded.
Then I read a post from a writer I admired.
He talked about how he learned to write (and play music) by copying others.
At first.
He didn’t stay there.
But that’s where he started.
That changed everything for me.
Still, my pride ran in the back of my head.
“You’re just copying.”
“This is silliness personified.”
Those were some of the thoughts running free in my head.
Then I rewrote an entire book.
Eighty thousand words in a brand-new new to me style.
It took almost 150 hours that I tracked.
I loved it.
Very few other people liked it for an entire book style.
So—I’m back to re-writing.
And that’s just fine.
Because I grew in the process.
I found a writing style that I love.
I wrestled with single words for the text of the book.
In the process, I changed.
To really create change, you must guard against pride.
It will kill your progress if you let it run unchecked.
Real Change Requires Humility and Failure.
You’ll have to be willing to fail.
Failing.
And getting back up again build resilience.
Lastly, you’ll have to embrace the pain of it all.
When it gets hard—and it will—
that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
That means it’s working.
Start Today
What do you want to change?
Who has already done it?
What mindset and actions can you study?
What can you copy?
If you haven’t read Part 2 yet, start there.
Do the mindset work.
Then come back here and walk these steps forward.
You can do this.
It will be hard.
You’ll want to quit.
That’s OK.
Keep going.
When you do, come back and let me know how it’s going.
I’d love to hear from you.